DESIRE, DETACHMENT & DISAPPOINTMENT
desire: to wish or long for; crave; want
detachment: state of being impartial or objective; indifference; unconcern
By definition, desire and detachment just don’t go together. That deep ‘longing for’ feeling doesn’t mesh with an ‘easy come, easy go, no problem!’ kind of attitude. Yet, when we really, really want something, we are often afraid of feeling disappointed or maybe even devastated, if we don’t get it. We want a little detachment, because it can be hard to handle the intensity of desire.
Many of my clients are wrestling with this intensity – whether it’s a desire for conceiving a child, getting that promotion or new job, or so wanting that next step in a relationship. In my case, it’s my absolute desire for the dreamy house we are trying to buy. I notice when I really feel the desire, fear of disappointment kicks in pretty quickly. So then I try to tamp down the desire – not let myself want it so much, pretend I don’t care. The problem is that I DO care! Deeply. And the detachment I try to muster isn’t authentic, it’s just a control mechanism to handle the fear.
So, I am playing with a new way to handle the intensity of desire. I’m tossing out detachment and trying to be fully passionate instead. Fully passionate in both desire and disappointment. Who says disappointment has to be a bad thing? I’m looking at disappointment as just the flip side of desire. To be fully disappointed in not getting what you desire – you HONOR that desire.
And it helps when I remember to honor and hold onto the ESSENCE of the desire – not just the particular manifestation I have my heart set on. The essence within conceiving a child might be the desire to nurture and love another living being. With the promotion or new job – the desire to stretch your talents and be recognized for the stretch. That next step in your relationship – the desire to experience the fullest expression of love. Or for me and the dreamy house – the desire to create an environment for my family where we can all grow and prosper. When I focus on the essence of my desire, the detachment actually comes naturally and I am not holding on so tight to the particulars.
MY CHALLENGE TO YOU
What do you most desire? Are you holding back because of the fear of disappointment? Have the courage to be fully passionate in your desire and in any disappointment that might come. Know that the essence of your desire has many manifestations!