By definition, desire and detachment just don’t go together. That deep ‘longing for’ feeling doesn’t mesh with an ‘easy come, easy go, no problem!’ kind of attitude. Yet, when we really, really want something, we are often afraid of feeling disappointed or maybe even devastated, if we don’t get it. We want a little detachment, because it can be hard to handle the intensity of desire.
I’ve been getting my house ready to sell. There’s been a lot of de-cluttering. Letting go. Cleaning. Sprucing up. Organizing. And just outright fixing and replacing. A broad range of activities – all necessary and quite time consuming – months of effort. There are moments of stepping back to see the big picture, then diving in again on the tasks. Moments of doubt, fear, hitting the wall. Moments of inspiration and creativity. And moments of pleasure in what is emerging. It requires vision, belief, investment, patience and commitment for it all to come together. And now we WILL be able to sell this house and get more money because of this transformation.
It might be a cliché, that whole “work smarter, not harder” thing, but today I remind you of the inestimable value of “smarter.”
The value hit me in a small way when doing a project for my son’s school. It involved making a dozen superhero capes from pillowcases. For the record, arts and crafts are NOT my forte. A fellow mom had told me it was so easy, just cut the seam, then do something or other with string, etc. I sat at my kitchen table last night for 15 minutes stumped and feeling inept. Finally, I said ‘#bleep# this’ and quickly sewed two pieces of ribbon for the ties instead of doing it “the right way.” Voila! Done.
In this new year, I step back to consider again what I really want for my life.
There is a commercial on tv, a montage of people glued to their phones – texting, emailing, surfing the Internet – oblivious to what’s going on around them. The kicker is their spouses, children, friends, co-workers, customers or just passers-by, saying “Really?!” As in, “Really, this is what you are choosing?”
The phrase “wisdom of uncertainty” comes from a quote by Deepak Chopra and set me to thinking. I’m not usually a fan of uncertainty, I love being in control. I believe there is an enormous benefit and comfort in certainty. However, today I ask you to consider the wisdom of uncertainty.
I was talking to my 13 year old nephew who just graduated from junior high and asked him what he wanted from his summer. His reply, “To be ready for high school.” Being a coach, I then asked, “What will give you that?” And he had answers! He talked about a summer drama school he would be attending and how it would help him get used to meeting and making friends, as well as a stint as a camp counselor that would help him “be responsible for something.”
“Stop worrying about the potholes in the road and celebrate the journey.” Barbara Hoffman
What obstacles or bumps in your life are really just potholes?
When working with clients and in my own life, I’m struck by how often we take ourselves for granted. We rush right by. We don’t listen. We don’t say thank you.
Coaches are all about perspective shift. A handy tool for a quick shift is the “Wonder, Not Worry” rule. When you are turning circles in your head, worrying over a problem, situation or a person, try switching to wonder instead.